Stupid things people say to pregnant women

The title says it all... I was out and about today... and was asked the following question:
"So are you like, pregnant?"
Nope... I just like shoving watermelons in my shirt and see how many people notice.

Another favorite:
"How are you feeling"
How the hell do you think I am feeling?! I am growing a watermelon in my tummy! I can't eat, can't sleep, can't stop eating, can't stop sleeping, I can't walk without a waddle, and my couch eats me every time I sit in it! How exactly am I supposed to answer that?! :)

When responding to me saying that I am scheduled for a repeat C-section, after being asked when I am due:
"Repeat C-section? You do know that you can have a natural birth even if you have had a c-section before right?
Yes nosey pants, I do know this! But I also know I had pre cancer cells removed from the lining of my utuerus, and my first EMERGERNCY c-section did more damange as well... so the lining of my uterus is already thin... I COULD try for a natural birth, but I am a MUCH higher risk of having my uterus tear which is a huge risk to both my life, and that of my son... so NO... I cannot have a natural birth. But thanks for prying into my business asshat!

"You are so big!"
Thanks you are too! Why would I want to hear that I am big and fat, do I say that to you? What makes the fact that I am pregnant, permission to you to tell me I'm fat?!

"You can barely tell you are pregnant!"
Equally, this one hurts too! Because I feel like a freakin house! Please don't tell me that my scale keeps going up, my clothes stop fitting, and I don't even look like i have a reason for it!

Touching me without permission:
 Ok, this is an action, not a question, but SHOULD be a question. It's really quite simple, all you have to do is say, May I touch your belly? Not just reach out and pop my personal space bubble. Now, if we have been friends a while, and are someone I would normally greet with a hug.... permission isnt required... you get dibs. But random strangers... please stop treating me like  Buddah and ask before you rub the belly! I don't rub your belly do I?

"Have you been craving anything"
No, just everything in my fridge, pantry, freezer, and the local bakery. I don't like answering this question because you don't want to tell people, yes... I have been craving a grilled ham and cheese every night at 11 pm, I ate nothing but Taco Bell for 4 and a half weeks straight because all I wanted was a spicy bean burrito and nachos with extra cheese! Because when you DO answer this question... you see the person's eyes move straight to your belly! Not cool, friends, not cool! Just be sweet and bring me a freakin blizzard! :)

I remember when I was pregnant with Taylor, I was maybe 5 or 6 months pregnant... I had to go out of town for a business trip. There was a lady there who worked for my company, but whom I never met before. We didn't even exchange hellos or names yet! My boss asked me if I was getting hungry. His wife was also pregnant, so he was just takin care of me like he would want his wifes boss to take care of her. I made a joking comment about "You know me, I'm pregnant, I am always hungry." This woman I never met, turns to me and says, "Being pregnant is no excuse to getting fat!" I beg your pardon??? If being pregnant isn't an excuse to indulge a little in your favorite snacks, or eat some mexican food 4 times a week and not feel too guilty about it, I dont know what is!!! Later that weekend, I had my client ask me if I was due the next day... at 5 months pregnant, I wanted to kill the guy. Apparently what he meant was, if I wasnt having the baby the next day, I could go out with all of them for drinks (he was Danish, apparently they have a slightly different opinion on the effects of alcohol and pregnancy). None the less, his comment stung, and I really contimplated killing him!

Moral of the story... think twice before you open your mouth to a pregnant woman. Our feelings are already seconds from being shattered...we really don't want to hear your questions, suggestions, or comments about our stretch marks, bellys, moods, or food intake! Just wanted to toss that out there! :)

Yikes! I am a tad behind!

Ok- I suck at this blogging thing. I have made several attempts to catch the blogging world up about whats going on in my oh-so-important (insert sarcastic tone here) and oh-so-busy (insert serious tone here) life, but then I get all long winded and give up! SO... I will quickly recap the past however many months its been since I last posted!

1. I am pregnant! We are expecting our 2nd baby on Nov. 3rd. Its a boy!! And we couldn't be more excited! I won't lie, I was hoping for a boy for several reasons, mostly for the sanity of my dear husband, come those teenage years, but ohhhh I was secretly wishing for another little girl (only for about 5 minutes-  then Taylor turned 2 and I never wanted a boy so badly  - again for sanity purposes come the teenage years). We are so blessed to have one of both, and as of now, unless something  dramatically changes our thought process (and bank account) we will be completing our family with his arrival!

2. Taylor won't stop growing or changing or becoming her own little woman! This is especially hard for me to tell you guys, because we made a deal when she was born she would be slow on the growing up part, and thus far, she hasn't kept her promise! She is becoming such a smart, beautiful, little lady! No longer is she this super dependant, needy little baby. She is this rambunctious, creative, fiesty, little lady with so much to offer this world! Her smile melts me in about .01 seconds flat, and each time, I again praise Jesus that he only gave me one girl, because i am not sure I could handle two little ladies like my Taylor. She has had a great summer, did a little traveling, became a little fish in the water, battered her legs and arms with bumps, bruises, scratches and cuts, rode a tricycle for the first time, learned more words than I can keep up with, discovered what playing WITH other kids are, and has yet to break her "checking out the cute boys" habit she picked up at 9 months old (I don't wanna talk about it, the apple didn't fall far... just sayin), oh yeah, and she turned 2!  We are so proud of the little lady she is becoming and while I am soooo excited to see what she becomes in life, and where life takes her in her 3's, 4's, 10's, teens, and 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and everything in between - its still a little sad that I blinked and my teeny tiny taybug has turned into a little lady Taybug. Its hard to believe not so long ago she was this helpless being that I couldnt wait to get to know, couldnt wait for her to grow a little so she could crawl and walk and talk... and now,  here she is - this beautiful, active, smart, funny, and adorable big girl ready to take the world on (at least from our backyard). She starts gymnastics and swim lessons next Thursday - and we are so excited to get her to focus some of that crazy enery into something super productive! We are also very excited to see her grow as a big sister! When I ask her who Mason is, she says he is her brother. When I ask where he is, she pulls my shirt up and pokes my belly button. When I ask who her brother is, she says "Massssn" -  its really quite adorable! She has fun helping me pick out clothes for her little brother, and has no problem throwing out the clothes she doesn't think her brother would like! :) She is going to be so good with him!

3. Mike is starting a new job! After almost 5 years with his current company, 2 buyouts, 3 promotions, and many friends gained along the way... Mike has decided to leave and begin a new adventure. The timing is kind of crazy, but its a great opportunity for him both finiancially and professionally in terms of challenging him with new things. He will be working closer  to home, which will be great too! I am so excited for him and proud of him with what he has accomplished so far, and for what has yet to be done!

There has probably been a lot more in between, but the pregnancy, job search, and Taylor has sucked our time away from us! I cannot believe its already September (well as of tomorrow)! The time has flown and passed so slowly! I am very eager to move forward with fall, and have November get here so we can welcome our new and final addition to our family!

I hope this blog finds you all in good health and happiness! I will be better about posting (I think) now that summer is over! I will also try and post some pictures from the past 7 months too!! HUGS to all!

Spring is...Springing...

And so begins the busy season of our lives. It appears Michael and I are allowed 2 months of down time... between January and February. Its a good thing go... because during these two months, I typically am ready to climb the walls by weekend 3 of nothing to do.
  
We certainly do not have that problem for the next month or two. Taylor is beginning Toddler Gymnastics! We found an awesome deal on Groupon for two whole months of gymnastic classes for 30 bucks! So every Monday for the next 2 months, we will be driving down to Wheat Ridge and doing Parent/Tot gymnastics at 5280 Gymnastics. I am so excited to see her tumble around! She already can do somersaults on our bed (legs over the head and everything) I can only imagine what she is going to be doing at the actual gym!!

In big news, I am now adding Mary Kay to my list of employers! I accidentally fell in love with how awesome Mary Kay products are and have joined forces with Mary Kay (and the awesome ladies in my neighborhood who are my mentors and leads!) along with my Slumber Parties business! The idea is to broaden my marketable clientele. Not everyone is comfortable with Slumber Parties (and that's OK) but almost every women I know wants to feel beautiful in their own skin! Mary Kay promotes that! Mary Kay has the top of the line products for make up and skin care... and its marketable to both women AND MEN! That's a market I am will to pursue! Slumber Parties is still a focus of mine! Its fun, its exciting, and its something I believe in (doesn't everyone deserve a satisfying sex life????) but Mary Kay is certainly a product and a concept I had to join forces with! I am so excited to launch my debut party on March 12th! It will be a fun time to get together with my girlfriends and go over the latest and greatest in Mary Kay's products! So be sure to find me on facebook and let me know you want to come! There will be great giveaways too (including a free gift to the person who brings the most guests). Of course, as soon as I started Mary Kay, my Slumber Parties stuff got up and running too! I am so excited - this month every Saturday but one is booked for a Slumber Party! So things on the business end are going sooooo well! Keep sending good vibes (and party leads) my way!

Things for Mike are going well also! He is staying busy with work, and is looking forward to his review next week! He has waited 2 years to get a promotion and is hoping the last two years of hard work will pay off!

Taylor has a busy calendar between gymnastics, play dates, lunch dates, and of course 3 hour nap times (I am lucky for now!)! She has been having some digestive/stomach issues, which have interfered with sleeping thru the night! We finally changed pediatricians and with one visit she deemed it necessary to take Taylor to a gasterologist to make sure everything is OK. Her appointment is for next week and I am hoping they can finally figure out how to fix this! Poor girl!!!!

The next few weeks will be chaotic and we love it! This Friday we will be doing a double date with a good friend of mine - totally looking forward to Hibachi night! Saturday I have a Slumber Party. Sunday we have church. Monday Taylor has her first gymnastics class. Wednesday is her Dr. appt and the following Saturday is my Mary Kay debut and another Slumber Party! So forgive me if I am not blogging too often!

We are looking forward the next few months of busy excitement! I have a lot of training classes and seminars for Mary Kay, lots of things going on for Slumber Parties, and Taylor!! Spring has sprung and I cant wait! We got to get Taylor's pictures done for Taylor and I cannot wait to post them on here! Here's a Sneek Peek! (PS... if you are interested in finding a fabulous and reasonably priced photographer, be sure to contact Brandy with Brandy Burke Photography)!

Hope you all are doing well, and staying busy! I will do my best to avoid any more sprains and twists like I endured this weekend at Red Robin (don't worry, its not that funny of a story).

And that was a weekend?

This weekend went by entirely too quickly. Although, I can say that because I spent all of Saturday in bed - dying - or so I had Michael believing - of this nasty cold Taylor picked up somewhere (my guess is the shopping cart she insists on chewing on...even though I wipe it down. I could only imagine what lovely illness she would bring home if I didn't wipe them down). I began my NyQuil induced comma at about 7:30 Friday night and didn't remove myself from bed until my daughter literally screamed at me for being a lazy butt (her words exactly "uhhhhhhhhh" while she pulled my leg out of bed) at about 5:30. Apparently there really was a memo going around saying moms aren't allowed to get sick! Anyway it wasn't until about 3:00 today that I started feeling like a human again. So after Taylor's nap we went for a quick lunch at Noodles and a stroll around Target. While at Target, we were in the toy department. I was looking for a new toy (or two) for Taylor while Mike kept an eye on her while she ran around a little with a ball. She started making a bit of scene when Mike picked her up because she was getting too rowdy... and I said to him, "where is that child's parents?" and the lady that was in the isle looked at me horrified... "You mean you aren't her parents??? She seems to really like that guy then." I laughed and said we were, but at times like this, its funnier to pretend we aren't the bad parents who let our child run wild thru target (with her pink Cinderella princess slippers on instead of real shoes because she refuses to let us take them off). She laughed somewhat nervously... but probably relieved that we were her parents...or at least a little!
  That made me think back to the times I saw some poor suckers in the store with their energizer bunny possessed toddlers and shook my head with disapproving judgement on these bad parents! Ahhh, how times have a changed! To that end I thought of some of the things I said I would never do when I was a parent...here's just a few:

1. My child would NOT be allowed to watch any TV! HA! What else is she going to do when I have to go to the bathroom or get breakfast/a snack ready and clean up a little? Don't judge me, she only watches Wonder Pets anyway (I have tried yo gabba gabba and sesame street to no avail) and she only gets up to an hour a day (most days).

2. I would NEVER allow my child to eat processed foods... lol until Mac n Cheese and Chicken Nuggets are the only thing she will eat. I know, I know... I'm the parent... tell that to my 1 year old!

3. I would NEVER allow my child to eat food off the floor or put her paci back in her mouth after it dropping on the floor... I go back to my childhood reasoning of God made dirt and dirt don't hurt. But rest assured, I only took to this belief after she turned like 10 months old! :0)

4. My kid would NEVER EVER be the one in the restaurant screaming... OK I still stick to this one... because once she does start screaming we take her outside or to the bathroom... but I don't get as irritated when other kids scream!

and another one for good measure...

5. I am the parent! What I say goes!! If you are a parent already... u know what a joke that is, and I wont bother going any further into detail! Don't get me wrong, when its a safety concern or something I am truly adamant about Taylor knows when I mean business... but sometimes, its just better to pick your battles... I'm saving mine for when shes 13!

 Anyway... so...here I sit, with a martini in hand, watching my husband play his need for speed video game (as I said, I pick my battles) and realize...even though I don't have to go to a job tomorrow... my weekend ended entirely too quickly! I do have two Slumber Parties to host this weekend, and am hoping I can book a few more from those - so it will be a busy week in the office for me anyway! Hope everyone has a wonderful Monday!!

But seriously... Didn't I JUST vacuum?

So here I am, week 3 into being a stay at home mom. I am truly loving every minute... but the sting of being laid off from my "dream job" turned circus show still burned a little.
  After Taylor was born, I was so sad to have to return to work, but did enjoy the lifestyle my income allowed us. Little did I know, the lifestyle and money just weren't what I was looking for! I missed my daughter. I missed her so much it hurt.  But, we kept convincing ourselves that we just couldn't afford for me to not work. I had changed jobs three times since she was born in effort to find a job that made me happy enough to be away from her for 10 hours a day. Apparently, no such job existed. The first week in January, I was laid off from my "dream job" in Human Resources... while it really wasn't my dream job, I made myself think it eventually could be. When I got the call from my recruiter telling me that I left my cushy government job with almost 3 weeks paid vacation and 12k more a year  it was for absolutely no good reason, because the company I was with couldn't afford me... I was crushed... for about an hour. And then I realized, HELLLLLOOOO blessing in disguise much?
  To be honest, part of the reason I never forced the whole, being a stay at home mom terrified me. I just wasn't sure I could do it! I always wanted to be a mom, but felt I didn't have the personality or maturity to handle it. I was worried I would be bored, and not very good at it.
   Well, here I am - 3 weeks in... and I feel so incredibly connected to my daughter! I feel like I never really got to know her until now - which is extremely sad considering she is 17 1/2 months old!! I feel like I have lost so much time with her... and for what? After we got the call saying I was no longer employed, my husband and I sat down to look at the numbers. Apparently I didn't really need to work. He makes enough to pay the bills. We looked at shortcuts we could take... he had already totalled my brand new $400 bucks a month car in September last year, so that was kind of a bizarre and terrifying blessing in disguise. We figured out that I could drive him every day to the park in ride 15 minutes from our house... that would save us a fortune in gas and parking costs! Plus, I wouldn't be doing the corporate world thing of eating out, doing happy hours, stopping at Starbucks 4 of the 5 days a week... (ok, the starbucks thing hasn't changed much, but we all have our vices). Between our shortcuts, my commitment to cook dinner every night (or at least like 27 of the 30 days a month) and no longer paying 800 bucks a month for daycare... we realized we were actually saving money by me not working!! Plus, I still had like $2000 worth of Slumber Parties stuff in our basement... I could really focus on that and bring home some extra money. This was finally the opportunity we were looking for. Plus, we had been trying to get pregnant for several months now, this was the right time to settle down and focus on giving Taylor a forever friend/playmate! So after about 2 hours of going back and forth (and about a 5 hour game night with my in laws) we happily went to bed knowing the path we were about to go down was for the best. It wasn't going to be easy... it would be the hardest time we have had since we have been together... we knew this... but 3 weeks in, I can tell you, I don't miss my lunch dates or happy hours one bit! Ok, maybe the happy hours...but find me one stay at home mom who couldn't use a happy hour!?
   Instead of focusing on Human Resources, I am watching Human development! Its amazing! My kid is amazing! Seriously... the girl is so bright! Don't believe me? Ask your 17 month old what a cow, cat, horse, rooster, piggy, lion, and duck say and see what they do! :0) I taught her all that in week one of being at home.
 So what are my biggest challenges thus far? Not getting to sit on the couch and eat milk duds all day for one! :0) I thought this was going to be a breeze! I figured, I play with her for a few hours, feed her, put her down for a 3 hour nap - watch Desperate Housewives maybe do a load of laundry, catch up on facebook, and then when she was up from her nap, play with her, feed her, play some more, and then go pick up daddy... Um yeah, not so much! In the corporate world, you can goof around because you know what has to be done and when, you have deadlines, time frames... u know when u go to lunch, you know when u get off... u can take your breaks to chat with your cubie mate whenever you want. Now, my days are spent, waking up, dragging my half groggy, super cute pj cladded munchkin to the park in ride to drop off daddy... breakfast is typically in the car for the most part, as she is too hungry to wait until we get home (good thing Mike totalled my car and not his... I would have a heart attack if my car looked as messy as his does... I mean really... banana on the seat... Come on 1 year old, focus! JK). Once we do get home, its actual breakfast time, or an attempt at it (apparently my child has created an aversion to eating in the high chair)... and then I cave and chase her around with Oatmeal and Yogurt (foods I adamantly REFUSE to allow her to eat in the car) We play, read, dance, run, scream, typically cry a few times, and then go down for our nap. If I am lucky, she stays down for 2.5 MAYBE 3 hours, but on average after 1.5 to 2 hours the girl is up and ready! That means I get to either take a five minute shower, throw some gel and mousse in my curly hair and call it a day while I am doing five loads of laundry, cleaning up after the tiny terror tornado that blasted thru my house, start my lunch, and MAYBE, JUST MAYBE send out some emails for my Slumber Party hostess'. Rarely do I even get to find the remote control to turn on Desperate Housewives. And since I am so active and too busy to eat, I refuse to eat bon bons... just sayin....
   Last week I was planning a huge party at our house for my kick off Slumber Parties Party, and I spent 2 days straight deep cleaning my house.... cleaned the upholstery, deep cleaned the carpets, kitchen, bathrooms... This evening my husband comes home to a somewhat torpedoed house, and says to me... wow, the carpet is such a mess... I look down... I see apple chunks from this afternoon, 6 different pairs of socks, a few tissues, and blocks all over my floor... DIDNT I JUST VACUUM????!!!!!!! Literally, two days ago my floor was sparkling clean... and today... well... today it looked like a teeny tiny tornado torpedoed my home! So, after dinner, I sat down, with a glass of wine and thought... that'd be an excellent blog title.....